Forgiveness is Hard but…

Dear Needs Redirection,

I want to bust up your diarrhea storm up with some massive shame busting lasers! First off, let’s just put it out there… Life can be really hard and in my experience, many people also feel this way. Not always on social media but many people struggle with many different things.

We all sometimes feel like people don’t care about us and sometimes the people closest to us are tapped out and maybe don’t care as much as we’d like. This feels like gar-baj (garbage)! And it’s ok to acknowledge how that makes you feel… But the key, in my humble opinion, is to not get sucked into the diarrhea storm.

As an example of something I want to let go. I acknowledge for the umpteenth time a particular person I know who acts/ed like they were/are better than me and snubs me when we run into each other.

Unfortunately, I’ve thought about this example more times than I would like to admit but my expectation for myself to magically move on, hasn’t transpired so today I want to give myself some slack and say, “Hey, I’m sorry these incidents have hurt your feelings. You haven’t deserved to be treated that way.”

Pause.

I did actually pause and take that in and although I don’t naturally feel this way, I am willing to move on.

Let’s give ourselves grace in letting go of hurts. If you are dealing with larger hurts, give yourself extra grace and time. Journal about it, talk to a trusted friend or therapist, go out and move your body, get some sun, squeeze a towel and plan a release date. A release date is a date you deem you will be willing to let your grievance go…

Did you know that forgiveness takes practice? When I was younger, I would go to church and hear how I shouldn’t hold a grudge and how I should forgive because that’s what Jesus would do.

#1, I’m not Jesus and #2 I’m gonna shame bust the part where I shouldn’t hold a grudge. It’s normal to want to hold a grudge. And, I’m also going to shame bust the I should forgive statement. Forgiveness is not easy and being should on doesn’t make it easier.

Forgiveness is not easy!

Forgiveness is hard and forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to most and being dragged down with shame doesn’t help. It’s an extra burden when we feel like something is wrong with us because it difficult for us to forgive or even consider forgiving.

But alas there is scientific research according to Dr. Frederic Luskin, PhD of Stanford University that backs up forgiveness being tied to our well being and how we can get better at it with practice. So, you don’t have to forgive to be a good person. You can forgive because it’s good for you.

I recommend starting your forgiveness training on smaller matters first. Last night I practiced forgiving my cat for waking me right after I fell asleep. Little steps… I acknowledged that I wanted to forgive her carefree and loud pouncing.

I hope this helps you to redirect your attention from What’s wrong with me to what I’m going through is normal and Man, sometimes it’s really hard but I am going to practice releasing and letting go of the many hurts in my life because I have the power to do so and it is an amazing thing I can do for myself. I will remember that the more I practice letting go, the easier it will become.

Also, you’re a badass!

Love,

Ah Mei